Man Flu? You Guys Have Nothing on "Valentina Flu."

This is going to be a short post.

I'm sick. I feel like someone has hit me with a truck, looked in their rearview mirror, saw me moving and put their truck in reverse and hit me again.

I feel like low-grade sh*t. I'm sorry to use profanity, but I truly feel terrible.

It all started with my daughter bringing home a cold from the Cootie Factory aka daycare. Now, after finally getting back to a workout routine, I'm coming down with yet ANOTHER cold. I've eaten raw garlic, almost OD'd on Vitamin C, tried to think positive, and I'd honestly stand on my head, humming all the lyrics to "War" if it meant that I'd defeat this cold that's in the post.

I feel like crying myself into a little Valentina puddle.

Below is why I hate colds and the flu, and I'm sure you'll be able to agree.

1. Tissue Could be as Soft as a Baby's Behind, and You'd Still Have a Sore Nose

Let's face it, I don't care how soft tissue advertisement's profess to be. After blowing your snout for the 158729th time, you'll need doctors to graft skin from your hooha.

And, I'm not sure what the rest of you think, but every time I blow my nose, I think, "Has anyone ever died from blowing their nose too hard?"

2. Everyone Hates You Because You're the Outbreak Monkey

I just coughed and The Chairman (Meow) got up and walked away. Even my little kitten hates me when I'm sick.

3. Your Breath Smells Like There’s a Midget Tap-Dancing on Your Tongue with Sh*t on his Shoes

Let’s be completely honest. When you’re sick with the flu or a cold your breath smells like a cross between a used jockstrap and belly button funk (aka gross).

I suggest you hold your breath when speaking to anyone.

4. Your Stomach Feels Full

Now this really isn’t a complaint, so I’ll move on.

5. It Feels Like There’s a Battle of the Bands (Every Season and Every Band Ever) in Your Head

It’s that feeling when you’re wishing you’d pass out from the pain so that you could have a momentary reprieve. That headache that only slightly responds to pain meds. You know the kind of headache I’m talking about.

OK, now I’m off to look pitiful enough to convince Vin to make me a hot toddy.