Five Reasons Why Aunt Flow Has Gone on Strike

As the title suggests, I’ve been waiting for Aunt Flow (“AF”) to arrive for the last two months. My cycles have always been as irregular as Irish public transport (aka it comes whenever it wants). But I thought that I was reaching an agreement with my body in the form of, taking better care of myself and it doing a better job of not deciding it’s going to just sit on the curb and throw a tantrum.

I guess I was wrong: my body has wiped its bum with our agreement and decided to throw a fit. But tonight I had a breakthrough. It finally came! YES!!!

Maybe you will, or maybe you won't know, but since I'd like to have another baby, it would be great if I was still getting my periods. Yah know...like still being fertile. But as I age, when it skips a month or two, my heart skips a beat or two with it. This, of course, sends my google search for bizarre crap to category 20, on a 1 to 10 scale.

I need you to understand that last sentence. I ended up searching whether or not Ebola would interfere with your cycle. The answer is yes by the way.

That is literally how certifiable, with papers, I got whilst I waited (im)patiently to see some damn blood.

So, let me save you the effort and save you from having to answer questions, in court about why you googled whether or not your cycle could be messed by a change in your cat's diet, and just give you the top 5 reasons why your BFF has flaked out on you.

1. You’re Body Hates you! No, I’m Just joking. Your Hormones Might be Going all Nightmare on Elm Street Crazy.

People underestimate how off the rails a person can become because of having a hormone imbalance. There are a few glands that produce these molecules and they dictate where they travel and whether or not they head in the right direction. But sometimes if you do something as little as, continuously not drinking enough water (like your pee trail could light the way to the nearest exit in the event of plane crash), you started syncing cycles with other women (yeah this is real and it allegedly crosses species), you've got PCOS, or you just got off the pill; your hormones could decide to flip you the bird.

2. You Could be Pregnant

If you’re in the TWW, then this is definitely good news. No need to discuss further. I think we all get it.

3. You Gained a Large Amount of Weight, or Lost a Large Amount of Weight.

Either one of these can mess with your cycle and both are not the business...let me tell you. From what I've been able to find, such an extreme change in your body weight has an influence on your hormones...cue point 1.

4. You're Either Peri-Menopausal or Menopausal = That Ain't Good News

I remember a friend of mine, who was a few years older than me at the time, but still in her thirties was telling me about how she hadn't had her period in a year, and how she went to the doctor and they told her that she had already started menopause. To say that she was devastated is an understatement.

But one thing her doctor did tell her, that she imparted on me was that you usually follow the timeline of your mother and your grandmother. However, if you engage in behaviour that, let's be honest, you know you shouldn't, like smoking, etc., your foremother's timelines will be tossed out the window. So if you're smoking, and you want to have a baby, I suggest you try your hardest to give that up.

5. S-T-R-E-S-S

That dirty, six letter word (yeah, I counted to make sure) that gets to us all. Unless, of course, you're a Guru, which if you were, you wouldn't have found yourself on this page reading about why your period is late.

Stress will grind its dirty boots on you and your life's white couch and scream "f*ck your couch!"

What have you all found were some of the reasons why you missed a period?

Me, after starting my period today: